So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
