do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
