Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
