Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
