Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
