I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
