remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
