i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
birth control should be required to get into college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
