You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
