I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
