When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
