Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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