is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
