How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
