Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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