she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
