that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
