went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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