If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
