I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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