When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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