her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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