You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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