Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
