Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
