After last night, I could never be a politician.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
