he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
