at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
