He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
