apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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