that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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