I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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