why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
