recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
