I must be too annoying 4 u.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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