There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
