I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
