i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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