if i can run in heels then i can drive
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
