I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
