Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We smell like vodka and hangover
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