she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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