I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
