you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
