FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
