Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We need to get me chipped asap
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
