I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
