a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
4 words: hood of his car
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Shame - the story of my life.
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