I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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