I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
